I got to thinking recently that the way people date today has changed drastically, simply because of technology. Equal rights gave way to the downfall of chivalry, and while I don’t mind opening my own door, how about the fact that it’s now kosher to text or email instead of call after the first date? What is the world coming to?

So in an effort to laugh about such nonsense that singles in 2009 lose sleep over, let’s compare what once was to what is now, shall we?

Developing a crush

Was: Meeting a guy or girl in real life, smiling flirtatiously, going up to talk to them.
Now: Seeing a theoretically-cute avatar of a suggested friend and praying they don’t use their privacy settings to their fullest potential.

Background check

Was: Ask friends around town: what’s s/he like?!
Now: Cyberstalking. Lots and lots of heavy cyberstalking. [Don't lie to yourself. You've Googled.]

First date

Was: An intimate conversation over a candlelit dinner covering everything from where you born to how much time you spend with your family today. All goes well, then maybe a movie.
Now: Reading his/her Facebook profile and learning every intimate detail about them.

Meeting the friends

Was: A casual dinner date or drinks.
Now: Friends following him/her on FriendFeed and learning every intimate detail about them.

What-might-be-someday Day Dreaming

Was: Doodling his name on your notebook.
Now: Checking that your married name will be available as your new Twitter handle. (And possibly snatching it up, just in case.)

Catching a cheater

Was: Noticing some strange credit card purchases or recurring phone number in the bills.
Now: Using Facebook’s wall-to-wall for all its (questionably intended) potential.

What do you notice has changed?

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Dear Random Company on Facebook Who Is Trying to Friend Me,

Call me a humanist, but I make it a habit of friending only people. (You’re actually not supposed to create a profile of a business or organization, but your secret’s safe with me.)

If any of your employees are on FB I’d be happy to be friends with them, and if you create a fan page you can count me among your fans.

Rich

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It’s 2008! 2008!!! For some reason my sense of time seems to revolve around the year 1996; a formative year for an awkward 16 year old recent import from Canada. 1996 found me using the internet for the first time (and not just gawking over the shoulder of my friend a couple of years before, scouring the “Information Superhighway” for Kings Quest tips). It was about the time AOL started sending out “550 Hours Free” discs, and when the general public began dipping a collective toe into the digital abyss. I remember being fascinated by the still-operational Chathouse site where I could find hundreds and hundreds of conversations taking place across the globe. I recall finding so many of my favorite tunes recreated in MIDI format FOR FREE!! The age was ripe with a sense of endless possibility. Patience was abundant with the infant internet, as evidenced by a users willingness to sit through 45-120 seconds of the most annoying sound in the world while their 28k modems connected them to a dreadfully slow page where butterflies would chase their mouse around the screen.

12 years of technological leaps and bounds later, it’s difficult to get really excited about anything “new”. A handful of hens teeth that stand out: Google Earth, YouTube, SecondLife, and of course the “OMG! LOL!” that came with connecting with the long lost through social networking platforms like facebook and MySpace, but to be totally honest, I’m not as impressed with “the future” as I thought I would be. I do not own a Lightsaber, I have never rode a Hoverboard (although I did ride the next best thing last summer in Chicago), and my calander has no spaceflights scheduled.

This whole “future” thing would seem like a bit of a farce had it not been for a little device “Designed by Apple in California” that found itself in my palm this past December 22nd. The Apple iPhone is the single most impressive piece of technology I have ever owned. Not a day goes by when I don’t think or say aloud “damn it feels good to be an iPhone owner”. It’s been over a month and the device hasn’t shown a sign of what I call “The Trampoline Effect” – where you beg your parents for like half your childhood to buy a trampoline (like the one your cousins have) and when they finally break down and cough up the the $250 to buy one you bounce on the thing like an ape for two solid weeks until you are so thoroughly unimpressed by the possibilies of the big aluminum and vinyl mess in the backyard that you stop using it.

The iPhone has me so giddy after 33 days that I can’t imagine I’ll even buy a Lightsaber when they finally come out.

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